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Top 10 fake Steve Jobses of the Apple Age

via Gizmodo

Described as an arrogant, exacting, brilliant, messianic visionary in a really pricey black turtleneck — not necessarily in that order — Steve Jobs remains, above all things, an Archetype of the Collective Unconscious. If the outpourings from tech analysts to Twitter that follow the Apple co-founder's passing are not enough to hold this truth to be self-evident, then look no further than pop culture — the mythology of our age — to see the many ways we've imagined this man.

Here are the top 10 fake Steve Jobses of the Apple Age:

10. Fake Steve Jobs

"Even if you live a hundred lifetimes, and survive a dozen world wars, and a nuclear attack by robots from outer space; even if you win the Nobel Prize for discovering the cure for cancer, and have so many children that you need to write down their birth dates so you remember when to send them cards, and even if you end up with full-blown friggin Alzheimer's and can't remember your own name — no, even then, I dare say, you will never, ever, forget this date," Fake Steve Jobs posted Nov. 10, 2010, the day the Beatles became available on iTunes. "Oh, and one more thing. Bite me, Yoko. Bite me hard."

By this time, it was already revealed that the scribe behind The Secret Diary of Fake Steve Jobs blog ("I invented the friggin' iPhone. Have you heard of me") was then-Forbes writer Daniel Lyons. It was still pretty awesome.

 9. Muppet Steve Jobs

"Did you know that the electricity Google uses to compile new Android releases comes from the blood of thousands of puppies being shoved into a hydroelectric dam?" Muppet-looking Steve Jobs — just as surly and NSFW as Fake Steve Jobs — incidentally mentions, after telling us rumors of the white iPhone 4 are just to mess with our heads.

8. Evil Steve Jobs, Darth Ninja

Last year, Apple dashed our imaginations, pooh-poohing a report that airport officials in Japan prevented Steve Jobs from boarding his own private jet because his carry-on bag contained deadly Ninja throwing stars, calling it "pure fiction." But not to worry, kids! Next Media Animation came through not only with Ninja Steve Jobs, but Darth Jobs, using the Force to usurp arch-nemesis (and former Microsoft CEO) Bill Gates, and order a hit on Gizmodo's Jason Chen for that thing with the iPhone 4.

7. Bobble-head Steve Jobs

What with the economy and the U.S. credit score tanking like it is, here's hoping you snatched up a whole case of these Steve Jobs action figures before its makers were politely commanded by Apple to knock. It. Off. "Not because it portrays Steve like some sort of murderous, hydrocephalic homunculus," noted Cult of Mac. "But because they didn’t get permission to use the Apple logo or the likeness of (an) iPhone in Steve's hands."

6. Animatronic Steve Jobs

Epcot via Gizmodo

A-hem. Note that this character supposing to be one Mr. Steve Job working in Steve Wozniak's garage (where Apple was founded) circa 1976 is poking at what appears to be a proto-Macintosh, complete with floppy drive, a technology which everyone knows was not introduced into personal computers until the 1980s.

The real Steve Jobs has left us, but in the former swamps of Orlando, within the bowels of Walt Disney World's Poor Kids' Magic Kingdom we know as Epcot, animatronic Steve Jobs is toiling away inside the revamped silver geodesic ball Spaceship Earth.

Of course, he's not identified as such by the ride narrator who points to  "the late 70s" and a "garage in California," but Apple purists argue that the wrong "Steve" is getting credit here, and that said robot needs more heft befitting hardware genius Steve "Woz" Wozniak, who was the dude who got his hands dirty.

The Apple-1 went on sale in July 1976 at a price of $666.66. It did not contain a floppy drive. Just saying.

5. Saturday Night Live Steve Jobs

 4. Really Evil Steve Jobs


Substituting Hawaiian shirts for the black turtleneck, Chevy Chase played a (literally) mean Steve Jobs on "Chuck," so dastardly he stole technology from Capt. Archer (aka Chuck's Dad aka Sam from "Quantum Leap" aka Scott Bakula) and then killed him!

3. Fictional Steve Jobs


"Tom Owens dropped out of college to invent, right in his parents' basement, a new kind of business," reads the description of "A Regular Guy," the 1996 novel by Mona Simpson.

 "It was no time to suffer any distractions, much less to legitimize the family that he, in fact, had already started on his own. So he stayed on in the sleepy, Edenic valley town of his youth. It was here that Owens became famously successful (his charisma and peerless business acumen also creating a seductive, if aimless, political person)."

Simpson is the biological sister of the adopted Steve Jobs.

2. Pirate Steve Jobs! 

1. Steve Jobs: The part Ashton Kutcher is actively auditioning was born to play! 

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Helen A.S. Popkin goes blah blah blah about the Internet. Tell her to get a real job on Twitter and/or FacebookAlso, Google+.